Red Dirt Girl

        

   I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the topic of happiness.  I blame this on the fact that I just turned 39.  Let me just pause here and reflect on the fact that I'm freakin 39…  Whew okay, that’s kind of ugly to admit.  Anyway, one can’t help but get a little philosophical when faced with the undeniable passing of their youth.  There's now absolutely no way I can deny being a grown up.  This is a concept I state every year and it's still terrifying to me.

   It’s not the fact that I have real adult responsibilities that frightens me.  In fact, quite possibly it might be the lack of traditional middle-aged tasks that freaks me out.  I mean, most 39-year olds I know have more than their pets to take care of.  While the deafening tick of my biological clock is certainly starting to grab my attention, I must state my lack of children is not the main issue on my mind.  The concept that has really started to resonate with me is the question, “Is this it?  Is this all that life is about?” 

   While I like to think of myself as a deep thinker, I have to admit this revelation of, “What the hell?  I’m just here to work, walk dogs, watch Netflix, quaff Ben & Jerry’s, and go to bed every night?” is not a new concept.  Ironically, cosmic fate recently intervened when I sat down to watch my daily dose of, “Seinfeld,” reruns and Kramer literally says to Jerry, “There is nothing more to life.  This is it!” 

   I find the idea that, “This is, in fact, it,” simultaneously disturbing and comforting.  At first, I was extremely disappointed with letting my twenty something idealism die with the mature realization of what, "normal life," actually is.  However, I find myself developing the increasingly larger perspective of, “If this is all there is to life, there really are no huge expectations I have to fulfill.  No more pressure man!”

   For example, I’ve always looked at the unbelievably exciting lives of others on social media.  I'm constantly shocked by the exotic places people go.  Apparently, some individuals live their lives as one big adventure.  I’m ashamed to admit that envy rears it’s ugly head every time I see another, “Around The World," escapade shot.  Of course, now in response to these images I always hear Kramer’s quote, “This is it!,” in my head. 

   The kicker is, I really don’t like to travel very much.  I'm extremely OCD and get rather upset when my routine is broken.  I guess I’ve always just felt like I should be contributing my own adventure photographs to the internet in order to prove I have an exciting and happy life.  Of course, if I was recording true happiness the picture would be one of me walking my dog all the way to the back of our shelterbelt.  Here, her and I can stare at a nearby cornfield and the dimming sky.  In this image one can see the lightning bugs starting to glow and it’s obvious that I’m talking away about something, “important,”…probably shoes…while my dog is patiently listening.  Yep, I’m totally certain that’s exactly what a picture of my happiness would look like...mostly because I’m lucky enough to experience it every night. 

   In the end, turning 39 hasn’t been that bad.  At least I can state at this age I know what makes me happy.  In addition, I've discovered if I ever want to share exotic images on the internet I can simply take pictures sitting on my parent’s Adirondack chair while wearing a turban. 

-r.