Recently it occurred to me how much of my time is spent thinking about money. I constantly calculate how much I owe. I obsess about how much I have. I resent what I think I need. I create schemes on how to acquire more. Lastly, I fear when it will run out. For someone who likes to think of herself as having a stable salary, I sure use a lot of headspace for financial freak outs.
It was actually just the other day when I was reminded of my mania for money. I was talking to my mom when I found myself saying yet again, “It just hurt so badly when I couldn’t afford it!” I was of course referring to yet another extravagant conquest for my closet. At the time, I must have been in some sort of fugue state that caused me to believe I was actually going to be able to purchase this item. However reality finally set in, and the little voice inside my head said, “Rayna put that down, you brat! You absolutely can’t pay for it right now. Not to mention, wasn’t it just Christmas? You already made quite a haul. How much more stuff do you need?”
I’m proud to state this time I did listen to my conscience. I put the item in question down…begrudgingly…and hightailed it out of the store before I could change my mind. Of course, every night since then I find myself lying in bed mentally styling this piece with other items in my wardrobe. The image of someone else wearing this one of a kind beauty gnaws at me as I fixate on the fear that it’s already gone. I seriously feel pissed at the imaginary person who has stolen a treasure that so obviously belongs to me. I count the days until I can make it back to the store…just to visit, I tell myself. Yep, I’m pretty proud of my self-control…no problems here people. I can see it now 2017 will be my year of frugality.
All sarcasm aside, I really have been thinking a lot about how fortunate I am. In a recent post I talked about my current workplace and the humble expectations of the children I encounter there. However, I didn’t mention the extreme generosity I've been privy to in my personal life. Since it’s the end of the holiday season I wanted to fit in just a little more sappy stuff while it’s still acceptable.
For example, the reason I chose to pair these photographs with this topic is because of the amazing cardigan I’m wearing. This outrageous vintage piece was a gift from a good friend of mine. It used to belong to her and when I wear it I love to imagine what kind of crazy adventures go with it…and believe me, knowing this lady the actual memories have to be seriously fun. In addition, this particular person has given me several priceless vintage gems, some that have already graced the pictures of this blog. To my amazement the astonishing generosity of my friends doesn’t end there. Recently, I had another friend give me a fortune of equally incredible finds. I was almost rendered speechless by the kind gestures of both of these awesome ladies. Writing this post now I want to make sure to thank them again for trusting me with such special items from their pasts.
In addition, over the last few years I’ve been given several beautiful items that include things like a 1970's leather jacket, a vintage fur coat, an antique serpentine necklace, a handmade beaded brooch, an ornately bejeweled pendant, leather bangle bracelets from Italy, a retro style winter coat, and a beautiful Art Deco hair clip! Keep in mind these are all items that came from individuals who are not related to or dating me! These people had absolutely no obligation to give me anything...not that those related to me or dating me have to either but...
I guess my overall point here is the next time I find myself lying in bed fretting about what I don’t have I hope to be reminded of this post. Despite the fact that I never seem to have enough money, it has become obvious to me that I am one rich woman.
Sweater: Vintage (Gift from a friend)
Jeans: Kasil Workshop
Boots: Donald Pliner
Purse: Matt & Nat
Necklace: Vintage (KJL for Avon)