I’m not entirely sure when it happened, all I know is at some point I decided I was seriously comfortable hanging out by myself. This realization was strange for me. I guess deep down I’ve always considered myself a fairly social individu… pfff…I can’t even finish typing that. The truth of the matter is, I’m just more comfortable when I’m alone…in the company of others. “How is it possible to be alone with others,” you ask? “Well, I’ll tell you how,” I answer.
I guess this topic came to mind the other day as a result of a conversation I was having with my brother. He and I are infamous for discussing extremely random subject matter that often results in us comparing our often equally, “unusual,” behavior. Keep in mind I wrote the word, “unusual.” This is a characteristic that can also be referred to as, “eccentric,” which is often perceived as, “charming,” by polite society. Anyway, during this particular exchange my brother was explaining how he would rather go to public functions with a companion. He was of the opinion that there’s strength in numbers and he felt more confident in social situations when among others he knew. It was at this time that it occurred to me that my preference may be a little odd. While I consider myself exceptionally lucky in regards to the fact that I have many close friends, I couldn’t help acknowledging the fact that I possess more confidence while alone in public. “What the heck does that say about me?” I wondered.
The whole topic began to consume me, (in between daydreams of new spring sandals, of course.) "Why would I feel more comfortable by myself," I questioned? I considered it for days and the only answer I could come up with was, control. I like to be in control of every situation. A good example of this happened frequently while I lived in Minneapolis, MN. During that time, I often found myself going to the movies alone. Thankfully, this wasn’t a result of not being able to find someone to go with me. It simply was because I preferred to engage in this activity by myself. I reasoned, when alone, one can choose any movie they’d like to go to, whether it’s the artsiest hipster flick or the crappiest mainstream flop. In addition, while flying solo, one can choose any seat in the theater they’d prefer and spread out as wide as they like because there's no one else to contend with. Let me tell you, this is a perk to consider since some of us are extremely OCD and demand to always sit in the very back row of the theater, despite the wishes of anyone else attending. In addition, certain individuals may be guilty of carrying enormous handbags that require an entire seat of their own. Let it be known just because I went to the movies alone doesn't mean I didn’t bring a close companion. I mean come on, Coach has been by my side through a lot of bullshit. Lastly, if I start questioning my sanity because I’ve finally become lucid and realize I’m sitting in front of a movie starring Ashton Kutcher, I can bail with no explanation because, “Hey, Coach doesn't care!”
One of my favorite memories from my time spent living in the cities was when I went alone to the Uptown Theatre in Minneapolis in order to see the movie, “Lost in Translation.” I remember I had the day off work and had wanted quite badly to see this particular film. At the time, it was newly released and I knew little about it except the fact that I was very drawn to the movie poster and had heard the soundtrack was exceptional. Many individuals had volunteered to go to this picture with me. However, for some reason I knew I had to see this one alone. I will never forget leaving that theater by myself at dusk. I walked down that sidewalk located in the heart of, what had always seemed to me, a giant city and I felt completely at peace with the idea that I was alone among all those people. I certainly didn't overlook the fact that the movie itself was largely based around the theme of feeling isolated around others. At the same time, this movie displayed the beauty one can enjoy all around them despite being alone. I guess remembering the serene way I felt that night makes me feel comfortable with the idea that I immensely enjoy spending time by myself.
Of course, there was that one time I decided to attend a showing of, "The Amityville Horror," alone. I love scary movies and was not at all intimidated by going to one solo…until I realized I was the only one in the entire theater. I will admit that got a little creepy. I guess there can be too much of a good thing.
Boots: Miss Sixty
Ring: Nine West
Sunglasses: Vintage (Anne Klein)