Sunday, August 28, 2016

"Oh Ma'am...Ma'am!"

   Not so long ago I scored a 1971 vinyl pressing of, “Rockin At The Fillmore,” by Humble Pie.  While I totally admit that I’m not educated when it comes to this particular band, I was impressed by the presentation of this album and had a rather psychic feeling that it was destined to be good.   In other words, these dudes looked legit. 
   In addition to all the wonderful worn out denim and long hair that was displayed on the inside cover, I found myself simply drawn to this band’s name.  “Humble Pie,” I thought, “now that’s a group I can really sink my teeth into!”  Honestly, writing this now I can only reflect on how ironic it is for a blogger who posts glamour shots on the internet to be attracted to a name like, “Humble Pie.” Subconsciously, maybe I’m just waiting for my slice.
   In fact, the other day I believe I experienced a pretty good taste while shopping for…you guessed it…vinyl records at my local Barnes & Noble store.  On this particular occasion I was anticipating a pretty great day.  I had received a BN gift card from my father for my birthday and was quite excited to go spend, “fun money,” on one of my favorite things.  I had also decided that in honor of my delightful afternoon of music shopping I would make an effort to look spiffy.  As a result, I put together the ensemble I’m wearing in the above photographs and headed out the door with my, “Oh so precious,” official list of albums I'm searching for.  Side Note:  I would like to apologize to any acquaintance I've made admire, “THE LIST.”  I'm embarrassed at how many times a week I pull that baby out of my wallet in order to show it off to friends and family.  So, why do I do it?!  Am I flaunting the quantity of albums I intend to buy?  Do I want credit for all the time and research I’ve put into constructing the selections on, “THE LIST?”  Maybe I just want people to notice that, “THE LIST,” was thoughtfully typed in Times New Roman font and available to print out for the masses.    
   Anyway...sorry, “THE LIST,” always gets me off topic.  Returning to my story, that afternoon I went to Barnes & Noble feeling confident.  Not only was I wearing what I thought was a pretty smart outfit, I was carrying, “THE LIST,” that could not steer me wrong.  As I was browsing the music department I happened to be carrying two David Bowie albums that I don't yet own on vinyl.  I had pretty much made up my mind that this was an error that had to be immediately corrected when suddenly I heard, “Oh Ma’am....Ma’am!”  In the back of my mind a faint inner voice thought, “Is that person talking to me?  Nah…I’m not a Ma’am.”  However, the person kept speaking, “Ma’am!” it insisted.  At this point I looked up and was confronted by an attractive twenty-something hipster chic who was staring directly at me. 
   “Ma’am,” she continued in her almost slurred, “too cool to care about proper pronunciation,” speech.  “I see you’re holding David Bowie albums and I just want to tell you that I HIGHLY recommend that you buy them.  He is my FAVORITE singer.  Really, he is seriously THE BEST!!!”  I stood there dumbfounded by the fact that this child was viewing me as an old lady who was so uncool I couldn't possibly know the music of David Bowie.  Suddenly I thought, "Did I hallucinate this morning?!  Am I actually wearing a bedazzled seasonal sweater with matching leggings?"  I then reasoned even if I was, Bowie loved over-the-top costumes and what screams this more than some of the crap select, "uncool," women wear?  How dare this young woman exert ownership over a musical genius who arguably belongs to the twenty-somethings of the 1970's! I should know!  I think of myself as an honorary member! I was insulted…I was appalled,…I was unfortunately no longer going to buy any David Bowie that afternoon out of pure spite. Instead, I looked directly at her with my signature resting bitch face and responded, “I’m glad you like him.”  I then put both albums back on the shelf and grabbed the equally desirable Fleetwood Mac and Joni Mitchell selections an, “old lady,” like me was expected to purchase.  That afternoon I walked out of Barnes & Noble feeling a little bit humbled…
   …for like a minute.

Skirt:  Ann Taylor
Wedges:  Etienne Aigner
Belt:  Anthropologie
Necklace:  Vintage

1 comment:

  1. Oh, I love this blog post! Isn't it comforting when a 20-something decides to steer you in the right direction about what kind of music you should buy. Especially when you were listening to the music in question when they were teenagers.