"I'll sleep when I'm dead"

   Well, it’s official.  I’m sick again.  Honestly, I don’t believe I’ve ever been ill this many times in one year.  The myth about working in childcare is true.  I work in a germ factory.  Thankfully it’s one decorated with drawings of Pokemon and cats.  I mean, how can that seem threatening?

   Despite the fact that I’ve not been feeling well, I’ve refused to allow myself to have a total collapse.  Basically, I took a vacation day to enjoy a three day weekend and I will not accept that I'm ill. I’m hoping this mentality won’t bite me in the ass later.  All of this reminds me of the words of a former coworker at the greenhouse.  This particular person was a veteran of the Vietnam War.  I had been complaining one day about the extreme heat we had to endure.  His response to me was, “You don’t know hot until you’re an eighteen year old sitting in the sweltering jungle sweating from heat and fear of, “Charlie.”  He elaborated by stating, “It’s all mental Rayna.  If you decide you’re roasting hot you will be.  If you decide you can’t survive something you probably won’t.”  From that day on I can’t help but think of my coworker each time my privileged mouth starts to state, “Man, it’s hot ou…”

   I titled this post, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” due to the fact I found the lighting in some of these images rather heavenly.  In addition, this title was inspired by a phrase my boyfriend utters constantly.  Ironically he is also a veteran, although he served in The Gulf War.  We always joke that when I was enjoying the luxuries of being an eight year old child he was off fighting a war…literally.  For anyone that knows him personally it’s no surprise to hear me state that Al works constantly.  He is one of those motivated individuals who defines a great portion of himself by the work he does.  He often states, “He has no idea what to do when he’s not working, and is not happy doing anything else."  I, on the other hand, am the exact opposite of this.  While I take pride in the work I do, I’ve never felt that any of my jobs defined me.  I’m a person who shamelessly loves her hobbies.  Without them, I would have no idea who I was.  In retrospect I have no clue which way of life is better.  In him I see an extremely successful, productive, and inspiring individual who is unable to relax.  Of course, then there is me who prioritizes creativity, introspection, and leisure time, but still has not formed a solid life plan.  Meh…tomato, tomahto...right?

   Lately, I’ve been trying to follow the wise words of these two men.  Instead of throwing in the towel immediately I’ve been attempting to push through and do things that would generally make me uncomfortable.  Already this summer I’ve attended my high school class reunion, gone to a few graduation parties, and socialized with friends more than once a week!  Like my coworker stated, I decided that I could, “survive,” these situations and I did.  Of course, in no way do I mean that last statement to belittle the experience he went through in the past.  I am well aware that anyone who has gone to war has endured things I NEVER could.  Perhaps that’s why I put so much weight in the words of these individuals.  Okay, well I see value to some of the words my boyfriend says.  Many of the things he utters are still stupid.  

   In addition, this weekend I took to heart my boyfriend’s catch phrase.  While I’m certainly not feeling my best, I decided to attend our beloved Brookings Art Festival.  Despite the fact that, “Man, it’s hot ou…” and I was fighting to breathe through humidity and mucus, I had a great day.  Al finally took a Saturday afternoon off work, and I sacrificed some comfort in order to spend some quality time with him.  Don’t get me wrong, my sacrifice was pretty small.  I walked away from that festival with some of the most legit 1970's vintage denim items I’ve ever seen!  I can’t believe I almost didn’t go!  For some reason I have the sneaking suspicion that Al’s words of wisdom where not meant to inspire me to push through the pain in order to shop.  However, maybe he could learn a few things from me as well.   

-r.