"I ain't never scared!"

   Once upon a time a hip hop artist named Bone Crusher released an inspirational little ditty titled, “Never Scared.”  I almost feel guilty for writing about this song, considering I never would have heard it had it not been for my brother.  To be totally honest this tune has little meaning for me compared to the anthem it actually became for Zeb and his buddies.  Honestly it’s odd I paid attention to this song, despite my brother’s insistence on how great it is.  I admit to being a music snob…wait, music and clothing snob…no that’s not right, music, clothing, and movie snob…crap, maybe I’m just arrogant when it comes to everything.  Yeah, that sounds more accurate.  Anyhow despite my usual refusal to take the well-meaning suggestion of any other person regarding what I should listen to, I find myself constantly getting this song stuck in my head.  This song and the, “Peter and the Wolf,” score.  I can’t seem to shake that one as well.  Huh…rap and classical is all mixed up and rattling around up there.  It explains a lot, doesn’t it?

   However let’s get back to Bone Crusher.  The reason, “Never Scared,” is such a great song is because it basically repeats the line, “I ain’t never scared!” endlessly, making one feel more, “gangsta,” with each utterance.  Let me tell you, sometimes I find it imperative to feel, “gangsta.”  The older I get the more I realize how the majority of adult life revolves around social tasks and obligations.  Many of these occurrences cause a decent amount of anxiety, especially for a closet introvert like myself.  In the past few years I’ll admit to exerting a lot of effort into getting over my hang ups with hanging out with others.  At times I’ve actually started to prefer having company over spending the day by myself.   As a result of my escalated social life…and by escalated I mean I socialize with one friend, once a week, for about two hours…I have been more confident to attend events I wouldn’t normally even consider.

   Now when I state I’ve been, “more confident,” it simply means I don’t break out in hives at the thought of doing something outside of my box.  No seriously, that’s actually happened to me…it was awkward and rather hard to hide my obvious distress.  However these days, upon accepting an invitation to a social event that scares the shit out of me I don’t seem to have to worry about hysterical rashes…which I have to say makes a lady feel pretty bad ass.  As a result of this new, “gangsta,” persona I've found myself accepting all types of invitations to events that would usually have me shrieking to the safety of my bedroom and, “Golden Girls,” DVDs.  However, I’m proud to state I don’t do that much anymore.  Now I hear what…sounds like my voice… accepting these invitations and I actually follow through and go to functions!  The day I wore the above outfit was an example of one of these occasions. 

   Another example was my recent attendance of my twenty year high school class reunion.  The fact that I went to this is absolutely staggering to me.  I never considered I would have the guts to go socialize with a group of people that’s only impression of me was formed during a severely awkward phase of my life.  However, I must state my reunion was a very pleasant experience.  I was happy to have the chance to reconnect with others.  However, I was even more elated to know I was capable of attending an event I found so daunting.  Walking up to the doors of that reunion all I could hum in my head was, “I ain’t never scared.  I ain’t never scared!  I ain’t never SCARED!  I AIN’T NEVER SCARED!  Well…actually, “I was hella scared,” but that just didn’t have the same ring to it.

-r.